worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize
