I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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