I feel great
I just peed on a car
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Randomize
