Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
