do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
