hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
