And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
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