I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
