That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
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