Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
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