New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
