My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
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