Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
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