I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me