Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
23 Strangest Things That Gave Dudes A Boner
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
These 21 People Shouldn’t Be Giving Dating Advice
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.