Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.