I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
