Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.