did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? ðŸ˜‚ðŸ˜‚
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will