this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Randomize
