We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
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My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
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I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
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