I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
