his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
May the power of my ass compel you!!
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
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