Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
grandma shit on top of the toilet
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
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