Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
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