Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
your room smells of hookers.
And success
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Randomize
