I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
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