I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
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