I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
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