im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
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