Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Randomize
