I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Randomize
