tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Randomize
