so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
