I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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