My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
Randomize