I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
soo... how was my night?
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
