I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
I am mentally ready for anal.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
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