Having a random hookup so left but love u
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
