You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
