Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Randomize
