4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
if i can run in heels then i can drive
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
