Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
you didnt know i had herpes?
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
