I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
She's the barista slut.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
