Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
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