Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
