but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
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Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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