My friends, they love my intelligence
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Randomize
