there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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