so that wasnt chicken after all
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Randomize
