i wish peter jackson would direct porn
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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