I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
