Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Randomize
