hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
