How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
