I showed him my bush... on skype.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
