just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Randomize
