everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Is her dick bigger than yours?
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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