She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize
