i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
either way he was missing a nipple.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
she told me i tasted like america
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Randomize
