I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Randomize
