He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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