I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Randomize
