We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
27 Socially Expected Things That Are The Absolute Worst
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
These 21 People Are Related To Famous Celebrities
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.