so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
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Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
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im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.