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Babe...You're really smothering me right now
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
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