I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
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we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
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you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.